FLYING LESSONS — Marcia Zina Mager

(Reprinted with permission from LOST & FOUND ON LANA’I: The Trials & Transformation of One New Yorker Living in Paradise, 1995, by Marcia Zina Mager)

I've always envied people who had "faith." That age-old, mystical wellspring which inspires and guides through the toughest storms. I don't think I ever understood what faith really was. I did, however, understand "belief." Belief was something I felt I did possess. After all, I believed in God. But the problem with "belief" is that its very definition demands proof. If I "believe" in God then someone can come along who believes differently. We can then get into a big argument over whose God is better and soon enough the whole discussion collapses into a battle of wills.

Then I met a man named Peace Pilgrim II. Sixty-eight years old, British accent and sparkling blue eyes. He was visiting Lana‘i for a few days and I had an opportunity to spend time with him. Some years ago, this very normal man with a very normal life heard an inner voice tell him to give away all his possessions, go on the road, by foot, and spread the message of peace. It wasn't as bizarre a directive as it sounds because in 1953 someone else had done the same thing. The original Peace Pilgrim was a woman who gave up everything she owned, including all her money, and began a 28 year walk for peace. In the first 11 years of her journey she covered more than 25,000 miles. It was eight years after her death that Peace Pilgrim II got his calling and began his journey. Following in her footsteps, literally, he too vowed to only eat a meal and sleep in a bed if someone offered. If I hadn't met this man, I could have easily dismissed what he was about. But for some reason I found myself hanging on every word of his story. What his very first day on the road was like, saying good-bye to his family, not knowing where he was really going or when he would eat next. I could vividly imagine the fear he must have felt that first day, no longer having the comfort of a telephone number or address or even a penny in his pocket.

Yet what struck me most about this man named Peace was how willing he was to do it. Not that it was always easy. But when night came and his stomach ached with hunger and he found himself in a strange cold town, he'd simply ask God for a little help. And like clockwork, someone would always appear; a friendly stranger offering him a hot meal, a warm bed, a classroom to give his talks. And so it went. And so it still goes for him.

Faith. The man had a wellspring of faith. Listening to him, I found myself envying him. He had the very thing I wanted yet never thought I could attain. I had always felt that somehow I wasn't as spiritually well endowed as people like Peace. That somehow he had claimed a secret that would never be mine. Faith. It was as real and comforting to him as a warm king size bed.

I went home and began thinking about the difference between faith and belief. I realized that most of my life it was belief in God that I held; a belief that worked only until it was shot down by life's harsh realities: a friend's suicide, major career disappointments, losses and hurts that ate away, like termites, at its very foundation. So I asked myself, what is faith? Where do I get it? How do I take that eternally talked about "leap?" Then, all of a sudden, the truth snuck up behind me and pounced! You can't "get" faith, it whispered. You can't learn it from anyone. You can't study it. And there's certainly no how-to books full of rules on achieving it. The reason for this is obvious: Faith is simply faith. You can't grab it or borrow it or steal it because then it wouldn't be faith. It's called a LEAP, silly, because that's what it is! A LEAP! You just do it. Walk up to the edge, look down at the abyss, take a deep breath, and LEAP! That's faith. It lives inside the heart, not inside the brain. Belief is a mind thing. Sure I believe. Here's the reasons why. But faith requires no proof, no list of reasons. Faith is not something you argue with. It's simply there, like the wind. All you have to do is stand up and claim it.

My monumental realization, thanks to Peace, was that faith is simply faith. You don't have to be intelligent to possess it. You don't have to be literate or articulate. It doesn't matter how long you didn't have it or how long you didn't want it. Once you realize it's available to every human being on the face of this earth, no matter who they are or what they've done, it's well, quite amazing. I knew then and there that I possessed as much glorious faith as Peace Pilgrim himself. And I didn't have to give away my favorite dishes and head out, penniless, across the desert. Faith is mine. It's simply a matter of breathing it in.

Ever since that moment of divine understanding, things have been a bit easier. When I get worried about something, I remind myself I don't have to figure it out or understand it. I can just close my eyes, take a deep breath and leap into that eternal wellspring. And if the results don't turn out the way my eager little mind predicted, well, that's just more reason to leap even higher. Faith has nothing to do with proof and results. Faith is lying down on a bed of grace that has always been there and always will be there. Faith in the Divine Mystery, faith in the Eternal Intelligence of All Life, faith in my future, faith in my present, faith in the Presence that lives within everyone.

Pretty amazing, this faith stuff. Try it. The leap may seem awfully scary at first but I promise you, it offers untold rewards. Like the old French saying goes:

Come to the cliff, he said.

They said, we are afraid.

Come to the cliff, he said.

They came.

He pushed them.

And they flew.